PLN

This is the novelization of a roleplaying game Paranoia. PLN sector is played in the Paranoia-Live.net forums. Alpha-Complex is controlled by the Computer. The current edition of Paranoia is written by Allen Varney. Links in side bar for more info.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

III ~The Tony (unfinnished)

Forced Growth.
(03-08 ~ Forced growth clone tanks)

The IntSec worker is wide awake, scratching and clawing, feeling the impending doom of a doomy death near him, Cryptic's eyes open and see a very soggy mist all around him.

Cryptic-R-CDA-2 decanting begining

The ground is cold, almost like ice, the feeling hits him and causes a short burst of fear. this is familiar, somehow. Cryptic stands up, stretches and looks around for the on-duty rep to report to, when GirdagFireskull appears out of nowhere and smashes onto the unfortuate clone, injuring both of them fairly heavily in the process. Cryptic feels an incredible force upon his skull than his back, his legs go numb.

"What the HEL? Girdag-O...you...my...OUCH YOU BUGGER!" He lays his head back down, dazed for a moment, "Girdag, thanks for volunteering....now, would be so kind as to accompany me back to IntSec?"

"What? What's this? Who are you? What are you doing in here?" Asks Konlii, "Oh, I see what you're after. You've come to sabotage the clone tanks, haven't you? You're a saboteur! Saboteur! I won't let you get away with this! Surrender, you dirty Commie scum!" He brandishes his break-down pole.

"huh, wha? what are you talking about citizen, and who are you talking to?'"

"You've been attacked by a saboteur, citizen Cryptic-R. But don't worry, I'll take care of the filthy traitor!" The technition approaches Girdag-O with the break-down pole.

poke

"Ow! Hey, stop that! Here, Cryptic, take one of these. Its a painkiller - should help you recover." He passes Cryptic a pill, "I don't know how I got here, Konlii. I certainly don't intend to sabotage anything."

poke

poke poke

"Quiet, you! It's obvious you used some kind of unregistered mutant power to get in here. You don't intend to sabotage anything? What about this clone you just damaged? He hasn't signed his paperwork yet, so he's still property of the clone bank. It's a serious crime to sabotage the clone bank."

poke

Criptic slowly rises to his feet, still a bit dazed, he looks first to Konlii, than to Girdag, than back to Konlii, than back to Girdag, takes the pills from Girdag, looks back at Konlii. "So...wait..its him you want? Ok...ok...um...would you like to file a report or an accusation of treason against him?" He glances back at Girdag, "Considering that I'm still the property of R&D at this moment, and an IntSec agent as well...and I'm not feeling all too great at the moment either..."

"If I reduce your pain, will you reduce the charge? I'm still not sure how I got here."

"Citizen Girdag-O, you first "appear out of nowhere," than you procede to Assault an IntSec agent AND damage R&D property, and you wish for me to be leiniant on you? I'm sorry Citizen, but if I were to go easy on you, that would not reflect well on IntSec or Friend Computer" he considers for a moment, "um, Girdag, exactly how DID you appear out of nowhere?" Cryptic stands in thought for a short while longer before his eyes suddenly grow wide. "'you..y-y-y-you're a c-c-c-c-commie mutant TRAITOR!' He jumps back behind Konlii.

"Cryptic, you're losing a lot of blood. Take the pill, it reduces blood loss as well." GirdagFireskull takes a pill himself, "Ah....that's better." He pulls himself to his feet. "I still don't know why I appeared there."
(04-08)
Standing to the side of Konlii, Cryptic glances at the pill, rolls it between his fingers, and continues to look at it inquisitivly.

"How do I know that this is not just some secret plot to do me in?" a small puddle of blood gathers at Cryptics' feet, "unfortunatly, I cannot take that risk I guess, I'm already on my second clone...." Cryptic ingests the pill.

"I wouldn't do anything like that. Anyway, I don't know how I got here. Evidently someone teleported me with nasty evil mutant powers. Was it you? Did you use commie mutant powers to teleport me here?"

Clone death report! Adam-R-LON-1 in PLN Sector near ERROR.

Name: Adam-R-LON-2
Status: Ready for decanting.

> Troubleshooter detected! Running Clone Priority subroutine.
> Hey, wait a minute. It's him, isn't it? Oh, there is no way I'm going through all this again.

The liquid inside the tank drains away, and just as the clone inside starts to wake, the floor of the tank suddenly retracts, and he drops down a long chute with a muffled scream.

Cryptic leans into Konlii-O, throwing an arm around his shoulder, a slight smirk crosses his face, and his injuries seem of less importance to him. "Commie mutant powers? sure, I guess it could've been me..." Cryptic yawns slightly and leans further into Konlii, his legs feeling ready to give, "But I didn't know I could teleport things, still, I guess...yea, I guess did bring you here. but still...you hurt me, and that wasn't very nice."

poke

"I told you to be quiet. I don't want to hear any of your... ah!" Konlii shies away from Cryptic, who is still covered in tank goo. "Get away from me!"

Clone death report! Citizen CPUreaucrat-Y-SUM in the YELLOW Quarters on date 214-07-27.

#ERROR - Date mismatch error in line 4179926.
Error report: Date = 214-08-04. Alert delayed by 8 daycycles.
Decanting process suspended.

Diagnostics initiated...
Clone death confirmation - check.
Death date confirmation - check.
Death report confirmation - check.
Replacement body presence confirmation - check.
Replacement body status confirmation - WARNING: clone body has not yet fully matured. Decanting delayed. - check.
Decanting delay confirmation - check.
Death report rescheduled - check.
Ignore date mismatch flag set - ERROR detected and logged.

Error level evaluation - Non-vital: memory gap of 8 daycyles.
Last available memory - being attacked by Commies from a tunnel in Expend-Y's room.
Corrective action - MemoMax Memory Make-up (8 daycycles) routine:
214-07-28/29/30/31: Fighting Commies in tunnel below YELLOW Quarters
214-08-01/02: Captured by Commies, taken into a cold room below the YELLOW Quarters, imprisoned in a boiler room. The smell of fuel permeates from under the door.
214-08-03: Managed to loosen the ropes with which he was bound. The main room is filled with a freezing BLUE smoke. The Commies are in total confusion about its origin, but are hardly affected by the cold because of their furs. In the mayhem he can escape into the tunnels.
214-08-04: Stumbles upon a Commie partol and is shot dead.

Continuing decanting process...
Name: CPUreaucrat-Y-SUM-2
Status: Ready for decanting
Decanting...
Running QwikDlay MemoMax subroutine...
Cleaning...
Drying...
Head polish...
Slap in the face to wake up...
Decanting complete.

*Shakes head as if to clear his head*

I'll get you, you fil... *looks around* Oh, the clone tanks.... I guess those Commies must have got to me after all. I'd better go and report their hideout below the YELLOW Quarters.

"Away you say? well, sure I guess" Cryptic steps back from Konlii and collapses to the floor. "Is this far enough away?"

"You're IntSec, aren't you? This clone came in here to sabotage the clone tanks. He tried to kill you! Why don't you arrest him-------?"

"No, I'm sure you were trying to sabotage the tanks, Cryptic." Interupts GirdagFireskull, "And you used your stinking mutie powers to teleport me here to try and pin it on me, right?"

"Look, I don't care which of you did what. You're probably both trying to sabotage the tanks. I'm calling IntSec." Konlii pulls out his PDC and Cryptic looks up from the floor, a look of aganoy crosses his faces, his brain starts to overload from the confusion.

"yes, i'm instec, yes, i'm gonna arrest, yes I framed an evil Commie mutant traitor, yes I'm a yes yes...y~..." He passes out from blood loss.

"Ah great." Girdag pulls out bullhorn, "DOCBOT NEEDED TO ATTEND TO CRYPTIC IN THE CLONE TANKS!"

DoctorDocbot trundles in.

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency."

A nearby monitor blinks and begins printing a string of text.

Clone death report! Anthony-R-NYJ-2 in PLN Sector, location unknown.

Another monitor blinks, next to a tank in which a sleeping clone body floats.

Name: Anthony-R-NYJ-3
Status: Body mass at 87%.

> Troubleshooter detected! Running Clone Priority subroutine.
> Increase Body Mass subroutine running...

Lots of machinery clanks, liquid swirls and lights flash.

> ERROR
Radiation leak detected in clone tank apparatus!
Gamma radiation intensity exceeds safety protocols!
Disengaging emergency interlock...

> ERROR
Emergency interlock failure!
Clone DNA contaminated!
Mutation probability: 99.9%!

> ERROR
Automatic shutdown failure!
Technician required to initiate manual shutdown!

The body continues to grow at a forced rate, while acquiring a greenish tinge. Another tank moniter lights up.

Clone death report! Nekoabyss-O-KAT-1 in [DELETED FOR SECURITY REASONS]

Name: Nekoabyss-O-KAT-2
Status: Ready for Decanting

> Warning! R&D Worker Detected!
> Running EasyQuik MemoMax subroutine...
> ERROR MemoMax uncomplete. Attempting MemoMax recall...
> ERROR MemoMax recall fail. Proceeding with incomplete MemoMax...

Status: Decanting...

> Decanting complete.

The tank panel slides up and a stunned Nekoabyss stumbles out.

"Ooh... What happened?"

"Oh my Computer!" Konlii drops his PDC and runs over to Anthony-R's tank. He commences to initiate "manual shutdown" which mainly consists of yanking out wires and smashing things in with a spanner.

"Wow, I decanted at a really bad time. Should I, err, help ya, or what should I do so I can get my stuff and go?"

Konlii points at Girdag, "That Communist, has sabotaged the clone tanks, and now we've got an ultra-mega mutant brewing in this one over here. Yeah, some help would be nice."

Sparks fly as Konlii takes a spanner to the clone tank; red and amber lights blink on and off, and a number of alarm klaxons begin to sound.

Name: Anthony-R-NYJ-3
Status: Body mass at 218%.

> ERROR
Manual shutdown mechanism damaged!
Manual shutdown cannot be executed.
Transmitting emergency code to TechServCent...

> ERROR
Token ring failure!
Emergency code not sent.
Consulting emergency protocols...

The body in the tank continues to grow at a frightening rate; you can see the fat and muscle layering itself on as you watch.

Girdag finally notices the docbot. "Oh, hello Mr Docbot. Cryptic there has lost a lot of blood, and has fallen unconcious." He points to Cryptic, "Can you help him?"


Loyalty Caberet 2
(03-08) pg 6 and 7... possibly get some from pg 5.. Loyalty Cabaret Have to check, I got DCed.

You DO realize you sound like an idiot when you pause and repeat yourself like that, right?

"I was just-"

SHUT UP! You sound stupid AND crazy when you talk to me out loud like that, got it?AND DON'T SAY 'GOT IT' OR I'LL FORCE YOU DO THINK ABOUT THE TURRETS IN JAZZER-U'S OFFICE OVER AND OVER AGAIN UNTIL YOU CRY LIKE A LITTLE BABY!!! If you have to respond at all, just not your head slightly. Ok? Oh hell, I already know he's gonna do it.

Dweccl nods his head a few times to no one in particular.

Why couldn't I have been the inner narrator in someone else's head, like one of the ULTRAVIOLET's?

"Oi! You are currently under suspicion for treason it would be in your best interests to suddup" Growls Dourden.

Midnight puts down one of the snack bowls he was sampling and sniffs the air a couple of times. Ugh! What is that horrible smell? It's ruining my appettite. He looks down at his boots and sees something on the bottom of them. Eww! What is this vatcrap. He takes a closer look. Hey wait... It is vatcrap! Looking around the Caberet, he notices dweccl-O laying on the floor.

"Hey you... Slimey! Why are you here? And why are you making such a mess of the place?"

"All right, all right. Everyone can calm down now." Intervenes Biggles-V, "Midnight-Y, I got your c-mail. Is this the spammer? Dweccl-R? Poor citizen. Looks like we have to have a little chat. Dourden-R, Midnight-Y ... good work, men! Nice to see some service groups have competent workers here. Off you go, then. Back into the Complex to fight treason! Now Dweccl-R, reply when you're ready to begin our friendly little chat."

"Umm Biggles-V, sir. I don't want to be disrespectful or speak out of turn but I don't know why dweccl-O is here. Or if he's a spammer. The spammer I caught is Dourden-R. I ask Zat-R-NIK, the citizen who reported Dourden, to forward me a copy of the c-mail spam she recieved for evidence. If you'll take a look at this..." He shows Biggles the mail, "When questioned, the loyal citizen who brought this to my attention said this c-mail was unsolicited. I'm not up on all the AlphaNet terms but that makes it spam, right? I wasn't sure if the c-mail was authentic until Dourden-R assualted Zat-R with his broom right in front of me! When I saw this I ordered him to the Loyalty Cabaret so that we could get to the bottom of this. My question is, if he knows the identities of multiple secret society members, why didn't he report his findings to you sir, Mike-Y, or myself?"
(04-08)
Dweccl-O turns his head to the side and talks to the air. "Shh! I know what I'm doing! Just let me - Don't you ... That's it! I'm talking to him and there's nothing you can say or do about it. And no I WON'T shut up!" He sighs, looks at Midnight, Biggles and Lord Dourden in turn. A plastic, open mouth smile stretches across his face. He then addresses Biggles-V. "Ha ha! Just practicing ... uh ... how to tell a mutie off. In case I ever need to. Which I probably will. Every once in a while. Since sometimes muties find their way in AC. Despite FC's perfection and all." He beams at the nearest turret-cam. "Must be clone error. That muties hang around. And stuff." He giggles insanely as his grin widens, giving him the look of a clone who's totally snapped. "For what it's worth, I didn't spam anyone. But I'll be tickled ORANGE (since I'm not sure if pink is within my security clearance) to discuss it with Biggles-V! No CMT spammer here, that's for sure! Should I address my hygiene crisis first, Biggles-V? Had to crawl through a food vat waste pipe to get here in timely fashion. But however you want to play it is fine by me. You being a VIOLET and all. And much more smarterest and loyal and such. And a snappy dresser. Did I mention to you lately how much I like your hat?" Dweccl trails off, giggling some more.

"I have already talked this over with Zat-NIK, sir . I did NOT write that C-MAil i am being framed i am however in posession of evidence againsed certain clones and i was planning on giving it directly to biggles after we got our 'Mission',sir"

Dystopian Rhetoric pokes his head in the door. "I may be a filthy mutie but... has anyone seen Biggles-V around anywhere?"
(05-08)
"Hey, DR! He's right over there!" Dweccl giggles again, pointing at Biggles-V. "Hey, while you're here, you're a registered Telewahootsit, right? If you wouldn't mind, your YELLOW-ness, I seem to have a bit of a hygiene..." turns his head sharply to the side and looks toward the floor, "YES I KNOW HE CAN SEE THAT. I WAS JUST..."

You are such a blithering idiot. "Dweccl realizes his mistake, coughs and moves on with the conversation as fast as possible." Dweccl sweeps his foot back and forth along the ground while looking down. I SAID, "REALIZES HIS MISTAKE, COUGHS AND MOVES ON WITH THE CONVERSATION AS FAST AS POSSIBLE". Ignoramus.

"Oh yeah! Right!" He coughs and looks up at Dystopian again.

Imbecile.

"Um, as I was saying, I've got this vat waste on me from a decidedly necessary trip through a food vat waste pipe. I don't suppose you could telekin ... tekelin ... telesinkees ... er ... move this stuff off me with your mind, could you? Maybe into the nearest bucket or disposal bin?"
*************INCONSISTANCY~ WHERE HAS DYSTOPIAN GONE?****************
"The 'mission', Dourden-R, was to find out who in PLN sector has been spamming c-mail accounts. I believe I completed the mission when I brought you here to the Cabaret." Midnight crosses his arms. "You talked this over with Zat-R-NIK already? Really? Is that why Zat-R reported it to me after you 'talked' to her. Even if you didn't write the message it was sent through your c-mail account. I don't remember you filing a lost PDC report. No, I believe you wrote it. If you didn't then who else would sign a c-mail message with the initials LD? Aren't those your initials Lord Dourden-R? And don't try telling me you've been framed. It's not like you've done anything to get people so angry at you to want to see you terminated. Who would want to frame a RED citizen with the heinous crime of c-mail spamming anyway. What could they possibly gain from doing so?"

"Sir i did not send that mail, but also as an IntSec officer i realise that you need to make an example of someone , i am sick and tired of all the treason blowing around this sector so if you need to make an example of someone i am here so do it now!" I'm almost out of clones! He braces himself for execution as Midnight raises his pitchfork ready to strike the deathblow. Suddenly Dourden's PDC beeps and he pulls it out and views the C-Mail. Midnight puts his pitchfork down and begins to tap his foot out of impatience.

"Can we get on with the termination already?"


"ooh crap i will be right back Mr Biggles sir i have to go and sort this out" Dourden bows and leaves. Midnight tries to grab Dourden-R but misses. He looks over to Biggles-V.
(06-08)
"Look, sir! I knew he was the spammer! He's trying to escape. Only traitors try to escape. I'll get him!" He runs out of the Cabaret after Dourden-R.

***
(05-08 ~ Clone tanks, pp 8, 9, 10.
Lord_Dourden runs in.

"hello i was ordered by Mike-Y to sort out you communist problem Konlli, what is the problem?" he pulls out a broom, "Here Commie, Commie, Commie"

Neko's eyes go wide at the huge Fat Tony in the tank. "Oh wow!" He sees Dourden arrive and Girdag not helping with the situation. "From what I heard Konlii say, he's the commie. He points at Girdag."

A docbot trundles in.

"Well! If that doesn't just take the algaechip. I'm called here, and there's NO MEDICAL EMERGENCY. Stupid meatbags, wasting my time..."

Cryptic regains conciousness, looking up at the docbot in the room. "ah crap! see, i'm alive, i'm well, i'm quite alright really I am, really, I am"

"No, he's the commie," GirdagFireskull Points at Cryptic, "Aren't you, commie?"

The body in the tank continues to grow, its skin darkening to a deep green color.

Name: Anthony-R-NYJ-3
Status: Body mass at 398%.

Running EasyQuik MemoMax subroutine...

> ERROR
85.9% MemoMax incompatibility!
Rebooting MemoMax system...


Cryptic looks confused, and a flash of fear crosses his face, "y~ wait, wha??" His memory is a bit foggy. "I remember....Ice..and than here...and you" He points at Girdag, "falling on me, and Konlii,"he points at Konlii "yelling at Girdag, and than you," he points back at Girdag, "gave me a pill that was "supposed" to help me, but I'm still bleeding..." He thinks again for a momment. "something doesn't add up though.." He points back at Girdag, "You, if you fell out of nowhere, and are responsible for the sabotoge...than why am I the Commie? and before you ask, no, I have neither registered or unregistered mutant powers...." Cryptics eyes open wide, "YOU, YOU'RE THE COMMIE MUTANT TRAITOR, YOU USED SOME FORM OF SUPER MIND CONTROLL ON ME!" Cryptic jumps at girdag in an attempt to tackle and restrain him.

Midnight runs in, oblivious to everything going on but Dourden-R. "Alright you spamming loser traitor! Do you think you can just run out of the Loyalty Cabaret whenever you feel like it! I don't think so! You've just proven your own guilt! Prepare to be terminated!" He raises his pitchfork and tries to stab Dourden-R in the neck. After doing everything he can to stop the chaos, and apparently failing, Konlii-O sits down on the floor and waits for something to explode.

the enormous hulking form in the clone tank opens its eyes... its face contorts in sudden fury, and it smashes its fists against the unbreakable plexiglass wall of the tank

BOOOOOM!

The clone tank shatters, spraying the entire room with a wave of tankslime and razor-sharp shards of plexiglass...

"Will you clones keep it down! I'm trying to terminate a traitor here!" Shouts Midnight, just before he gets caught in the wave of slime and is smashed into a nearby clone tank. He falls to the floor unconcious. Midnight, Cryptic, Dourden, and Girdag become heavily, life-threateningly injured by the shards of plexiglass, though having prepared himself for an explosion, it seems Konlii-O sustains only minor wounds, and NekoAbyss-O-KAT-2, while he gets pushed back by the explosion, only sustains mild lacerations due his placement away from the tank. Girdag also lost his nose.

(06-08)
"Raargh! Tony Smash!!!"

Anthony-R-NYJ-3 wipes tankslime from his eyes, and squeezes through the doorway, lurching out into the corridor.

This is not good.

Midnight begins to stir. Sees his out stretched hands are covered in cuts and blood is pooling on the floor.

"What hit me? That spamming... loser... traitor must have... set off a... bomb... I need to... to get some help..."

He tries to stand up but slips in the tankslime and blood. Groans. Begins to try and crawl towards Konlii-O.

"Whew... I'm alive. Now, what do I have to do to get my stuff and get outta this mess?!?" Mutters Necro.

"Right. You were just decanted, yes? Fill out your paperwork and you can go." Says Konlii. "And, uh... could you other clones please stop bleeding all over the floor? It's not very hygienic. "

"So sorry... I'm messing up your... clean... floor... Get me a... a docbot so I... can stop... And that's an... order... Orangey..."

Konlii stares blankly at Midnight-Y for a few seconds,

"All right, NekoAbyss-O, let's get that paperwork taken care of."

Midnight grits his teeth through the pain, "Alright... Let me put it to you this way... When IntSec investigates what... happened here... I can either report that... the technician could do nothing to prevent it... or I can say the cause... was do to negligence of the... technician on duty..." He takes out his PDC and takes a picture of Konlii-O talking to Nekoabyss-O. He also takes some pictures of the damage caused by The Incredible Tony, including the injured clones. He presses a few more buttons on his PDC. A little red light on the top of the PDC turns on. Meanwhile Dourden sort of pulls himself along the floor to the door.

"Midnight look what you have done you communist......I didnt spam.....got to get out" He drags himself out of the room leaving a trail of rotting flesh and blood.
(07-08)
Konlii, acting as if he just noticed Midnight-Y, suddenly speaks up.

"Oh my! This brave YELLOW clone seems to be severely injured! I must call for medical attention right away! Docbot! We need a docbot in here! Don't worry, citizen. Help is on the way."

Midnight presses a button on his PDC and the red light goes out. He puts the PDC away then rests his head on the floor trying to conserve what little energy he has left. He lies there watching his blood continue to pool around him.

A docbot trundles in.

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency."

"I need these... wounds stitched up and... bandaged doc... I might need a blood... transfusion also... I believe Konlii-O over... there has volunteered to donate his blood..."

NekoAbyss-o mutters, "Paperwork.. great... no pen... Erm, isn't there a tongue thingy I can use? Oh, I see it, right over there." Neko goes over to the tongue scanner, wipes off some blood and shards of glass, but cuts his tongue on it whilst scanning nevertheless. "I don't feel any new mutations right now, but if FC forbid I get a new one, I'll report it immediatly." I still feel the tingle of the mutation I had before though... or maybe thats just the blood running out of my tongue... Neko gathers up his stuff to go, but pauses before departing. "Hey docbot? I owe ya money don't I? I can repay it now if ya want."

"Ex-ex-excellent, Neko-O!" whines the docbot as it scans Midnight.

"Righty-o. Heres yer credits... all 40 of em. Have fun helping people!" With that, Neko leaves to check out PLC!

"Hmm, 32 surtures, plus the sterilization (no, never mind, forget that), plus the new needle (wait, not for this bitbrain, I'll just use the old one)... It looks like that'll be 150 credits, Citizen Midnight."

Midnight searches his pockets until he finds his ME card. With a shaky hand he gives it to DoctorDocbot.

"Here you go... Doc D."

Lord_Dourden gets to the doorway of the room before passing out due to the exertion and blood loss.

Midnight watches DoctorDocbot prepare its medical equipment. His eyes grow wide. Did I see blood on that needle?! Midnight takes his floppy YELLOW hat and bites down on it determined not to scream from the pain.

DoctorDocbot begins work. This is exceedingly messy, and may take some time...

*Midnight begins to breath faster and faster. Tears stream down his face. He starts to wimper. He bites down harder on his hat... bites through his hat. He sits there blinking at the bite mark. He starts to chew the piece of hat in his mouth. Oh the pain! Thepainthepainthepainthepain... I can't take it! He spits out the piece of hat then...

"AAAAAHHH!!!"

And I thought he was bleeding a lot before. Ugh... Konlii looks at the docbot. "Well, lucky for me, my shift's over. I have some extra paperwork to fill out, so I'll leave you to the tender ministrations of our friendly friend, DoctorDocbot. But before I leave... Midnight-Y, I officially turn Girdag-O, the traitorous saboteur whom I caught, over to you, a member of IntSec. See you around." He steps carefully past Lord_Dourden on his way out.

Lord_Dourden lies on the floor unconsious , carfull not to touch anything treasonously above his clearence........ the floor for example. He eventually wakes up and rolls over. "Midniiigghht...yoouu...scccuum" He trys to pull himself up and sees the shards of Plex-I-Glass buried in his legs, "Noooo, what have you done to me you vatcrap" LD attempts to drag himself out of the door and along the corridor, "bloody vatscum yellow clone." Dourden dies from blood loss after only a few meters.

GirdagFireskull lies on the floor wondering why, seeing as everyone said that he was the traitor, everyone is now ignoring him. Starts blocking the bloodflow with his Computer Loyalty Pamphlets - wrapping them around the bleeding areas.

Rampage
(07-08 ~ Corridor 9.7 - 9.9 / CPUArchive57/b 1 - 3.1 / R&D - Experimental Hot Fun Additives Testing 1 - 2.12 / Washroom 3.4 - 3.8)

An enormously massive green clone staggers out into the corridor. Citizens stop and stare. A nearby GREEN goon, whose low intelligence doesn't say much for his life expectancy, steps out in front of it and says:

"Oi! You there! Big guy! What do you think you're doing, walking around with no clothes on?"

The huge green clone grimaces and roars.

"Raargh! Why clones bother Tony? Tony smash!"

The Tony slaps the goon across the corridor with one meaty television-sized hand. The goon hits the wall amid the sound of breaking bones and crumples to the ground. Seconds later, all of the other citizens are gone. Smart citizens! After spending several minutes terrorizing hapless INFRAREDs, the Tony wanders off in the general direction of the CPU archives.

***

"Well, this place is very out of the way isn't it?"

Dystopian Rhetoric leans against one of the archive shelves for a moment, causing a binder to fall down, bringing a huge volume of dust with it. He splutters and coughs before hurriedly stuffing the binder roughly where it fell from, then looks back to make sure CPUeaurocrat is still there.

"Ah, the archives! I haven't been here since clerk school. There's a smell you'll never forget when you've been here a week full-time-- Hey! Watch out, Mike-Y. John-Y won't be pleased if you mess up his files."

"Hmmm... any idea where the tapes would be? This place is so big..."

"Raargh! Tony smash!"

"Hmmm... funny. I can hear a loud, ominous noise coming from back towards the entrance... Do you know if CPU has any Ominous Noisebots CPUearocrat?"

CPUearocrat sighs, then coughs.

"I can't remember that sound. Maybe John-Y installed some compressors in one of the side rooms, to be able to store more files in them..."

In the far, far distance, past hundreds of rows of shelves, they catch a glimpse of the Tony's green figure.

"Raargh! Tony hungry. Tony angry! Why clones not leave Tony alone?"

"Hey, who's that over there? You think John-Y got a promotion?" Asks Rhetoric, taking a few tenative steps towards the green figure, "John uh... G?"

"That's not John-Y... Can't be. He's a small hunchbacked figures with almost a LeatherLyke skin. You didn't hear anything about Armed Forces holding a drill here, did you?"

"Raargh! Tony stuck! Tony smash shelf, shelf not hurt Tony!"

There is a splintering sound as the Tony crushes a shelf, sending disks and tapes flying! Then, with a horrible creaking sound, a shelf falls over onto another shelf, which falls over onto the next one with a ponderous domino effect...

"Citizen Anthony-R!?" CPU yells, "What are you doing here? And what happened to you? You're completely out of uniform. Not to mention that you should know by now not to eat those Cold Fun Yum Yum Bars! Get yourself dressed and then we can talk business later, if you have some time for me. Now look at the mess... I'm going to have to spend months to get this back in order with John-Y..."

"Well that's certainly a big mess." Mutters Dystopian. "Hmm... in situations like this clearly the best solution is overwhelming force. However: I only have available to me underwhelming force, and I don't get paid enough to use it. Better call for backup." He hurriedly types a message to Intsec HQ and various agents.

"Yes, it's a big mess indeed. How nice of you to call for backup. I didn't know IntSec provided such services these days. We sure can need some extra hands in getting these files sorted out again before John-Y turns up to kick all our behinds-"

"Files?" Dystopian Interupts, "There's a dangerous mutant over there, and you're concerned about picking up the files? He needs stopping before he damages anything else."

A resounding thud... thud... THUD... THUD reverberates through the floor as the grotesquely oversized green Tony approaches.

"Why clones try to hide from Tony?"

"Mutant? Surely your professional bias is playing you parts. Mike-Y, you know Anthony-O. He's just another crate pusher at PLC. Almost part of the furniture there, everyone knows that. Why would he suddenly turn mutant after all those years of loyal service? Sure, he's green. But statistics say that 14% of all citizens turn green after having been on a transbot or flybot, and 17% after having eaten Soylent Red. And haven't you ever felt a big gas build-up in your belly after consuming a new flavor of Hot Fun? They just introduced strawberry-lobster I heard. All things considered, there is nothing much to be worried about, I should think. It will pass." Directing his attention to Tony, obliviously standing in the path of the approaching green giant, CPU continues. "Nobody is hiding from you, Anthony-O. Stop pulling down the file racks to see if there is anyone behind them. We are the only ones here. I suggest you go to the washroom to relieve yourself of that not-too-good Hot Fun. I'm sure you will feel better afterwards. And put on a proper uniform. I have some things I want to discuss with you later."

Tony grabs CPUreaucrat by the collar with one hand and effortlessly lifts him several feet off the ground. Holding the hapless CPU clone up to his face, Tony speaks with a booming voice and gamma-irradiated halitosis:

"You have Hot Fun? Tony hungry! You give him Hot Fun now!!"
(08-08)

CPUreaucrat kicks helplessly in the air as Tony tightens his grip on CPUreaucrat's collar, his legs passing dangerously close to Mike-Y's head.

"Tony, what are y... ugh" He starts to gasp for air. "..............Tony let........................go! I can't br.............................th!"

CPUreaucrat's face slowly begins to turn a slightly purplish hue as Tony's grip gets stronger and his bad breath creates a toxic atmosphere.

"T.............ny! Ot..............................Fn in m'pockt..................................Takt!

CPU's foot catches Dystopian Rhetoric in the ear and he staggers back. He makes an attempt to circle the Incredible Tony, clambering over fallen shelves and orienting himself so that he's facing Tony's back.

(09-08)
Tony rips at CPUreaucrat's jumpsuit, tearing away the pocket. The Hot Fun packet squishes in his hand, spattering the area with droplets of Hot Fun.

"Raagh! Hot Fun all gone! Tony angry. Feed Tony!"

Tony casually tosses CPUreaucrat aside towards another shelf, then turns slowly, looking for the strangely elusive Mike-Y. CPUreaucrat lands between some overthrown bookcases with his legs mangled between shelves. With a loud crash another bookcase falls down on him, pinning one of his arms. Dystopian Rhetoric rapidly searches his pockets for food, but the closest he manages to find is a half empty bottle of Quick Pep pills.

"Uhh... I don't have any hot fun, but I have got these extra-fun pills! They're kinda' like food... I guess..."

Tony snatches the Quick Pep from Mike-Y's hand and crunches it up in his mouth, bottle and pills and all. He swallows and goes quiet for a moment. His pupils contract. A vein starts to pulse in his forehead.

"RAAARGH! Tony smash!!!!"

The Tony turns and lumbers off, knocking shelves out of his path and crushing them underfoot. He tears the door from the wall on the way out.

CPU finally notices that he is in pain. It hits him rather suddenly. "Aargh! Owowowowow!!! Help! My legs - I don't feel my legs! Mike! I have some chocolate."

He fumbles in his pockets and throws a bar towards Mike-Y. With the little strength he has, the bar disappears between stacks of books.
(10-08)
"Oh, he's gone. I couldn't quite see from here. " He sighs with relief as he hears Tony's footsteps disappear and tries to pull himself up. "Oooah!! This hurts. I suppose that is better than not feeling my legs at all. Not by much though. I hope the damage isn't too bad." He fruitlessly tries to move the toppled bookcases that pins him down. "Er.... Mike, can you please help me out of here?"

"Oh... uhh... yes, sure..." Says Dystopian, who grabs CPU by the hand and attempts to drag him out the of the pile of uh... bookcases. "This doesn't seem to be working..." He sidles along to the side of the nearest collapsed shelving, sticks his crowbar under it for leverage and pushes as hard as he can, the bookcase, while obviously this isn't enough to properly lift a big heavy shelving unit, it does raise about half of it off the ground about an inch, hopefully enough room for the trapped clone nearby to escape with.

At least he hasn't ran after Tony. I guess IntSec has other things on their minds than mutants. Or maybe it's because he's a registered mutant himself... Oh well, let's get out of here before he drops that shelving unit again. With this thought CPU pulls his second arm free and starts moving around a bit to see if he can free his legs.

"Aaahahahow! No good." He tries a few other moves. "Ouchgrrr! It's not enough Mike. I'm still stuck." Slowly the other end of the bookcase also rises a hand's breadth. CPUreaucrat quickly pulls his legs away. "Yes!! You can drop that unit again, Mike. Did you see what happened to that bookcase? Did you use your mutation? I bet you are one of those telemovers. Well, I'm not complaining! Thanks for getting me out of there." He starts rubbing his legs to get the blood flow going again.

Dystopian Rhetoric lowers the crowbar with a sigh.

"Well, thank you for your assistance with the archives citizen. Very useful." He glances around, taking in the destruction. "Damn that Tony, now there's no chance at all of getting that bloody tape... I had better be going, there are rather a lot of things that need seeing to and Tony being like that only complicates matters."

He departs briskly, checking his watch occasionally.

CPUreaucrat sighs as he watches 'Mike-Y' leave the CPU Archives, and shouts after him.

"Don't forget to check out the Commie menace in our quarters. After all, you live there too!" He looks at the mess. "How typically IntSec, leaving a bigger mess behind than they found when they came in. I'll leave it to John-Y to deal with it. I have a search and retrieve mission of my own to do."

He proceeds further into the musty depths of Archive 57/B, then moves along a series shelves to a long table stacked from the front left to the right back corner with cardboxes.

"Ah, the Table of Contents, just what I need. Let's see, I need the Archive Accessory Index. That would be box on the fourth row from the front and the 17th colomn from the right. Gotcha!"

He starts leafing through the index cards.

"...N...O...P! ...PP... PQ...PR, yes...
"Price...
"Prime...
"Principle...
"Printer... Hah, there we are!
"Printer cables... design... destruction... ink... instructions... interfaces... maintenance... malfunction... parts... repair... Service Group ownership.
"Blablabla... yadayadayada... here it is: the CPU-owned printer should be placed in room A57/B4-58P. Hey, that's around here somewhere."

He puts the cardbox back in it place and starts walks along the file units. In a dark and narrow space between two chests of drawers he finds a small door, smaller and you would call it a hatch. It looks, however, like a very solid metal door, in which in a small square font 4-58P is engraved. A RED dial, fixed in the middle of the door, shows the numbers 0 - 9 with ten tiny notches in between each number and the next.
Here it is. He stares disappointedly at the lock's dial and fiddles a bit with it without any result. I'm never going to get anywhere with that. I'd better go find some assistence. He leaves the archives.

Everyone's gone. The room is quiet for a few moments. Then, very faintly, the voice of John-Y can be heard.

"A -- little -- help? Please?"

***
(09-08)

Tony wanders back into the corridors. His eyes bulge; his veins throb. Suddenly, he sniffs the air.

"Tony smell Hot Fun! Tony must eat. Tony must consume!"

He makes a beeline toward the smell of Hot Fun.

***
(09-08)
The walls are lined with steaming vats of gooey substances in different multicoloured hues, which bubble away constantly. If you look closely at them, a pair of eyes in one look back at you. There are beakers of unidentifiable compounds and flavourings all across the other wall. Well, we say unidentifiable, even though they are actually labeled. This is R&D remember? One of the beakers falls spontaniously to the floor, cracks, and eats through the tiling. There is a mysterious red stain in the corner.

Maph walks in.
So, everything seems to be as I left it...oh dear...

He grabs a fire extinguisher from the wall and puts out the chemical which is now on fire.

Ah, no-one will notice a thing. Right, so let's see, we have here so far, Hot Fun avéc cyanide, we have the new Hot Fun which becomes a handy cement-like mixture when exposed to water, we have one which I'm very proud of, which acts as plastique when applied to an electric current. Or dropped. Or looked at funny. I haven't found out which yet. Oh, and we have the new Hot Fun with that new untested flavouring...what was it, #36? I forget.

Man, I need someone to help me here...I need some suck..some volunteers to test some of these flavours out, make sure they're safe for human consumption. I'll probably have to pay them for it, but better them than me eh?

Hey, who's this outside the corridor?

Neko walks down the corridors in R&D, whistling a happy, non traitorous tune, definatly not "ULTRAVIOLETs They're Gonna Die," nuh uh, no way. It is most definatly a Friend Computer approved song, yeah, thats it. So, he walks along whistling, when suddenly he is clinched in the hands of a fellow orrange and whisked into a room, much as a trapdoor spider captures it's prey! He stands dazed, everyting he was thinking about broken, shattered into a trillion pieces, like a diamond hit just in that right spot to, well, shatter it into a trillion pieces. Trust me, all crystals have that one spot where they do that. Imaginary traitorous birds chirp around his head, and treasonously colored spots whirl around his vision.

"Hey, wouldn't you like to serve FC by testing our new and tasty range of Hot Fun? Come on in!"

"Err... whaa??"

"Hey there Neko, how you doing? Great? Good? Let's get started. We have here Experimental Hot Fun #49! Try some!" He gives a big spoon 'o' Hot Fun to Neko.

Still in a daze, Neko takes the hotfun and samples it. After swallowing, Neko's eyes go wide, and he immediatly consumes the whole spoonfull, but not the spoon. One eye goes even wider, the other one narrows then turns into a slit, which rotates around, just rotating in a circle. The other eye catches on fire, but only the eye. With flames shooting out of one eye, Neko makes desperate grabby motions with his hands. The spoon clatters to the floor.

"More! Must have more!"
(10-08)
Booming footfalls echo in the far distance, at the boundaries of audibility.

"Raargh! Tony smash!"

"Okay then, that's unusual..." He notes it down on his PDC, not noticing the noises in the distance, "But the fact that it appears to be addictive is reassuring. We can't have people not wanting Hot Fun. If you need more, have some." He fills a bucket with Experimental Hot Fun #36 - Now with Added Cordite!

"Try this one!"

Neko, with one ocular instrument on fire, the other spinning, and somehow still in the trillion-diamond-shard daze, lunges for the bucket and downs some of it, when his ears audibly pop, and blood starts to come out. Neko blinks and drops the hot fun, taking a step back, and bops his ears; suddenly sound has been inverted! Tony's far-off yellings are as if they are close up, and Matthius sounds like he's whispering! What shall the next batch of Hot Fun bring?

The footfalls grow louder. In the vats and beakers, the surface of the Hot Fun quivers; on shelves and workbenches, some of the more delicate equipment begins to shake. Tony's roarings grow closer, like the trumpeting of an approaching dinosaur.

"Tony smell Hot Fun! Why clones not feed Tony? If Tony not fed, Tony smash!"
"Dood! Give that man some of this Hot Fun!" Neko tosses the rest of the bucket towards the door, but the flaming eye catches the bucket on fire, thus sending a flaming ball of food at the door, igniting it on fire. "Whoops."

"Hmm...well that wasn't unseen...but what's that sound? It sounds like Greymist is testing that tremor-generator again...I'll have to see if I can get vibration reductors in here...eep!" He catches a beaker as it falls from the shelf. "If that'd fallen...anyway, I think we need to put out that flaming eye now. I'm not one for intefering with my own experiments, but fire and new Hot Fun, they don't really mix y'know?" he squirts Neko in the eye with the fire extinguisher. "Right, hopefully these tremors won't effect us too much. Let's move on to the next one shall we? Ah yes, one I'm particularly proud of. This batch of Hot Fun contains...additives...try some!"
He gives a ladleful.
(11-08)
"Gah! Ow ow ow ow ow ow!" Neko furiously wipes his eye with his hand and his labcoat. But, the flames still burns, 'cause the wrong eye was squirted. "Sheesh! I'm a fire mutant, I don't need ya to be the one to put a small fire out. Neko closes that eye for a couple seconds, and when he opens it again, only some smoke comes out, no flames. But now both eyes are spinning... There, it isn't burning, it is burnt. Hey, wait a second..." Neko stands there for a second, then a frown latches onto his face and takes over. "You fool! I'm R&D too! Yer supposed to get a non R&D flunkie to test things on! At least a coworker of lower clearance, if no non-R&Ders, err, volunteer, yeah thats it, for testing. However, it sounds like someone very hungry is coming up very fast and I wish he'd stop yelling!"

BOOM!

The door flies off its hinges and tumbles across the room, smashing a vat of experimental Hot Fun so that it slathers and bubbles across the floor. A grossly oversized, green-skinned clone lumbers in through the doorway.

"Raagh! Tony smell Hot Fun. Tony eat Hot Fun! Puny clones not stop Tony!"

"Tony? You look a little, err, squeemish right now. You sure you want Hot Fun? Here, take this."
Neko grabs the batch of hot fun that Matthius is proud of and tosses it at The Incredible Tony. "I just found yer new Hot Fun tester, Matthius."

"Erm...eep. Okay, Tony? We have Hot Fun here, so just caaalm down. See that tank over there? That Hot Fun is all for you! I'm your friend see? Just eat all you want..." He whispers to Neko. "Hey, you got any sedatives? I mean, this could be messy, and I don't want to become an ORANGE smear on the wall any more than you do, y'know?"

"Nope, no sedatives. I DO have my broomstick though, and with that I have vaporized an invisible corpore metal commie. I don't think it'd work on him, though...." He turns to the Tony. "Hey, yeah, eat all the Hot Fun ya want! I recomend batch number 49, it deserves the name Hot Fun!"

"That one there's really good Tony actually!" Maph points to the one which sets into a concrete-like state. "Have all the Hot Fun you can eat!"

Tony grabs a bucket of Experimental Hot Fun #36 - Now with Added Cordite! He gulps it down. Then he grimaces horribly, and his face turns a little greener.

"Ugh. Tony not feel so good." He vomits up a stream of partially digested Hot Fun, which catches fire on contact with air! It's like a blast of napalm.

Neko's eyes open wide as the stream of flaming bile nears him.

"Uh oh! We're gonna- wait," He remembers his mutation, "I'M not gonna die, at least from that."

Maph ducks.

"Okay then... " He pats out his burning hair. "Now, try that one in the corner..." He points to the barrel containing Experimental Hot Fun #62 - Now with Even Less Mutagen!
"Tony feel sick." Tony leans over a workbench, accidentally knocking over several beakers full of oozing experimental additives. He retches, and burning goo dribbles down his chin. The smell of cooked flesh quickly fills the air. "Aah! Tony's face on fire!" Tony slaps at his face to put the flames out. Blood sprays everywhere, along with shards of broken teeth.

"Your face is on fire? My body is on fire!"

Neko holds out his arms then points at himself, wreathed in flames. Fortunatly, everything is carried underneath the close labcoat, protecting them. The labcoat looks like it is both INFRARED and ORANGE clearance, ORANGE from the fire and INFRARED from being burnt before.

"Now what am I gonna do?"

Hmm, let's see, by my calculations, he can't hold much more Hot Fun...one more bucket should do it...

"Quick, Tony, eat that there! It'll put all the fires out. It make bad pain go away!"

Maph points to the Experimental Hot Fun #800M/High Explosive.

"Eat it all!"

He runs out of the room to next door, and observes through a viewscreen. Tony clutches his stomach. Blood continues to trickle slowly down his bloated green face.

"Tony noh feel tho good. Tony go now."

Tony knocks over the bucket of Experimental Hot Fun #800M/High Explosive as he charges out through another doorway, bashing the door off its hinges as he goes. The explosive hot fun sloshes across the floor, heading for a lingering puddle of still-burning vomit.
(12-08)
"Thats not good!"

Neko looks towards the rout Mattius took, then the route Tony took, remembers that he is R&D and suddenly takes a scientific interesting in Tony, and runs after him, trying to avoid the explosive Hot Fun.

Maph watches.

"Hmm...that ain't good."

He puts up a sign saying "Out For Lunch" and runs off after Tony."

BOOM!!! .....Crack.....

***
(12-08)
Midnight walks into the archives surveying the damage. He then calls out in a soft voice.

"Mutie Mike? Are you still in here?"

Waits for an answer. He hears a faint moaning sound. Hmm, what could that be. There's no way he could have heard me call out. Besides he's probably been crushed by one of these shelves. He looks at the wreckage and shakes his head. I'll never be able to find anything in this mess... He leaves.

All quiet once again, except, very faintly.

"........Please?"

***
(12-08)
An enormous green clone staggers into the washroom and slams the door behind him. There's a loud crash, a horrible retching noise, and the sound of something breaking. Then a terrible odor starts to leak out from under the washroom door. In the hall, the paint starts to peel off the walls.

THUD

Neko takes a step back from the door, holding his forehead. He had been running full speed, trying to observe Tony for "scientific interests," and now was out of breath. Then he had the door closed on him, full force. Ow. He shakes his head then reaches for the doorknob. He pauses at the nauseous noises, and decides against opening the door. Then the smell... the smell... Oh FC, the smell! Neko holds his flaming labcoat in front of his nose, in a futile effort to block out the smell. His eyes finally stop spinning, and now they water, filling up his goggles. He tilts the bottom of the goggles up and some of the water falls onto the coat, then turning into small clouds of steam, which fog up his goggles. A quick wipe with a burning sleeve, and Neko can see again. The things I do for science...

Neko readjusts his goggles, and opens the door... What shall he see? Will he live to remember it in his next clone? Only time will tell, on Daycycles of our Lives....

The massive green Tony sits on a toilet that's cracked right down the middle under his weight. Water flows steadily across the tile floor, mixed with vomit and other unspeakable substances. Tony continues to retch. And a miasma of stench and methane wafts out of the room, where it touches Neko's burning labcoat...

BOOM!

AHH FRIE-

BOOM!

Neko is blasted way down the corridor...

Smoke boils out of the washroom. Vile, tainted water trickles out into the corridor. From inside come low, rumbling groans, liquid gurgles, and a sequence of crashing sounds. Bits of porcelain whiz out the door.

"Urggh! Tony feel awful. Why bad things happen to Tony?"

Eventually, a charred Tony stumbles out of the washroom and back into the corridor, leaving utter devastation in its wake.

R4TS!
(12-08 ~ R&D main lab pp42.11 - pp43)
The door to the CCC labs come flying in. Something explodes.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

Head spinning, gun blazing, Mike-V, HPD&MC Executive Coordination Officer, screams out of the Cerebral Cross Correlation Lab. Allandaros enters the room running, slugthrower out in the traditional two-handed firing stance. The slugthrower muzzle flicks this way and that, darting back and forth between all various potential targets. He periodically spins around, sighting back the way he came. Bullets richochet, one blowing out a string of ceiling lights. In the sudden dimness, Mike-V-LEM crashes into a box of R4T TestBots. the box topples over, and little miniature Bots begin rolling around in all directions.
(13-08)
Bill walks in. "OH NO!! What's going on in here?" He puts his hands up, "NO, GENERAL, SIR, DON'T SHOOT, I'm not a traitor!"

"Initiate Lockdown! Snap to Laser Grid! Go! GO! GO!" Shouts Greymist, and about a quarter of the doors respond to such directions, they begin closing. The Laser Grid closes a few more doors with a few lasers halfheartedly blocking them. Darn Power Services! He begins firing randomly, PDC beeping and ignored. R4T bots seem to all about running up trouser legs at this point.

Mike-V-LEM continues whirling around, squashing dozens of R4T Testbots.

"NOOOOOO! We are too cute to die! We must stop the big ones!"

Some of them start crawling up any citizens nearby, including Mike & Greymist, while others run into a small hole in the wall, abode of the miniature Troubleshooters... dun dun dunnnn (see Adam's adventure in R&D)*

Neko, wearing an ORANGE Jumpsuit, Lab Coat, INFRARED goggles and rather a lot of ash, runs towards R&D, but skids to a stop right in front of a doorway where the only laser blocking it would have taken off his head. He stands there in full flame, something beeping in his pocket much like the R4T bots in the lab are beeping.

"I'll save youuu!" He pauses, "Oh vatcrap, whats going on?!?" Neko stands there stunned as his flames help to diminish the dimness a little bit, and what he sees is pure chaos in the labs, again.

Expend-Y skids short of a laser beam that pops up in the doorway to the C3 Lab, and breaks out in a sweat which won't affect him much (When you must sweat but don't want to fall short of hygiene standards, rely on CommieGuard Ultra for that absolute in scent protection!!) before slooowly creeping between the apathetic laser bars and into the main lab. Whew... He turns around towards the C3 Lab,

"Watch it Corporal, them laser gates are a doozy." Continuing on, he would find a whole bunch of tiny R4Ts swarm towards the hole in the wall and the VIOLETS. His eyes widen. They're swarming the VIOLETs!! Where's the Gauss!? "CORPORAL!! Sweep them out of the way!!" Expend-Y takes out his ORANGE towel and rushes over to a nearby water cooler. Thoroughly drenching the towel with cold water, he then rolls it up good and tight before slowly advancing towards the VIOLETs, whipping any swarm of R4Ts out of his way like Henr-Y-JNS-2.

TH-WAP!! TH-WAPP!! TH-WAPP!!

"Back!! Back you little Frankensteins!!"

Allandaros, still shaking, slides out the near-expended dumdum clip, one shot left, and loads in a new clip. Even in his shaking, he ignores the R4Ts, ignores the chaos, because he's got a plan. Sighting down the barrel of the Mk VII Slugthrower with SynthPearl handle, he points the slugthrower in the direction of the C3 labs and waits for Greymist, Xai, and Expend-Y to exit. As he sees Expend-Y clear the predicted blast radius, the shaking stops. The terror is still there, it's like NAM again, but he's ready for the Commies this time.

"I love the smell of napalm in the morning...." He racks the Mk VII's slide, chambers the first round, and fires a single shot into the throat of the onrushing Commie attack, "Smells like...VICTORY."

"R4Ts! Come to me, stop harrassing those VIOLETS and Armed Forces clones! You must rally to me, so that I may lead all of you to a better place!" NekoAbyss-O-KAT-2 shouts out.

Expend-I-BLE turns towards Neko upon hearing him call the R4Ts to himself. Normally he would think nothing of it, except that Mysterious Wave of Fear has affected his mind significantly.

"Oh My Computer... HE'S A CORPORE METAL MUTIE!! HE'S CALLING THE BOTS TO HIMSELF!! STOP HIM BEFORE HE GETS CLOSE TO MIKE-V AND USES HIS MUTIE BOT CONTROL POWERS!!" Expend charges towards Neko, the damp ORANGE towel-whip ready to be unleashed.

BOOOOOOM!!!!!!!

All citizens in the room, somehow, manage to survive, with many injuries and burns. The R4T bots have exploded. Expend-Y-BLE flails around screaming at the burns, which is hard to tell on his currently REDdened skin. Eventually a spark of intelligence piffs inside his skull and he opens up the drenched ORANGE towel whip to cool himself off and maybe take the edge off the pain. Ahhhhh...

Neko covers his face from the flying R4T bot pieces, then looks around into the room. "Erm... I think I'll just be going now... it doesn't look that safe..." He takes a couple of steps back, then sidesteps out of sight and legs it.
(14-08)
"It BURRRRNS! IT BURRRRRRRRNS!" Mike-V zooms out of R&D flailing.

Bill-R pulls out his twin brooms, alert for any further trouble, as the lab is CLEARLY under commie attack.

Here's my chance!

"Don't worry, General Allandaros, sir! I'll watch the WOAH!" He jumps out of the way as a paniking Mike-V rolls by out of the door he was standing in, "err...um... I mean... um... I'm ready to, um, help repel any, um, attackers!" He gets into a battle ready position with his two brooms as everyone begins to calm down.

Greymist gently pulls the R4T bots out of his clothing, wrapping them up in a towel.

"There, there. We will hold a memorial for your brothers."

He flips open his PDC, and opens up a message, then calls Neko... waits for him to pickup.

"Neko? Come on back... it's over, I have something for you...."

During the call he reads a C-Mail.

"Hmm. Hm-hmmm. Right! Neko, we need lead, and moldable plastic. We're going to stop this abysmal pen shortage!" He shouts, closing his PDC.

(WOOO! yeah, thats MY message to Greymist! Er, well one of them... Hehe.)

Having darted out of the CCC lab, perhaps a little faster than would usually seem humanly possible, just as Allandaros fired the Napalm bullet in, only to enter the room and have all the little bots all over the place explode, Xai-O is naturally looking more than a little charred. He turns to Allandros.

"Sir... I think we've quelled the commie attack sir. Of course, your decisive napalm action was central to their defeat. Well done sir! I-I-I I think it's over now."

"Hey, Mike-V, could I have that jumpsuit back? I just remembered something." asks Grey-V.

A figure wearing a blackened coat, blackened goggles, all Cold Fun encrusted, appears in the doorway, and looks a little tired.

"Mrphgrgle... You called, sir?"

Neko arrives cautiously, and Greymist hands over the towel.

"Here's a few more that were saved. Allandaros, I'm sure our departments can work out compensation for the R4T's you just lost in the crossfire of your anti-Commie zeal. And commendable zeal, too." He sighs. "I need some uppers. All right, Mike-V, Allandaros, and I are safe for the moment, no thanks to bodyguards. So now they get to clean up. I want every R4T piece in this box, and I'm going to count them when you're done. Mike-V, pleasure doing buisness with you. Allandaros, always good to see you. The rest of you... out!"

He directs the Docbot Mk1 over to Neko.

"And you look like you could use some bandages. I've got a few here... Oh, and Xai? As the only who survived a direct napalm blast, I'm sure you've forgotten to mention something to all of us. Here have a band aid."

"Eh, sorry 'bout the bots, Greymist. But we all must make sacrifices for the good of the Complex. What sorta compensation do you want? A tester, regularly sent over to field-test your new devices? Some spare weaponry?" Allandros turns to Xai, "Remember it, Corporal. The smell of victory, oh, and Bill-R, you're enthusiasm has been noted, once things have calmed down you may like to come to the public training facility."

"Woo! More R4Ts!"

Neko takes the towel and the bots inside, then reaches into a pocket and takes out B-R-AIN, his personal bot. He whispers something to B-R-AIN, and places that bot with the rest of the R4Ts, then ties the towel up so they won't accidentally fall out.

"There, I'm sure my bot can calm them down. Ooh... a DocBot, different from the normal one..."

Neko waits patiently, or groggily, you can't tell which, while he gets bandaged.

"Thank you, sir. Now, you want lead and plastic? By lead, do you mean the metal or whats used in certain writing instruments? If its the metal, I'm sure there are some things around here we could melt down without too much loss. Or, I could requisition something at PLC. As for plastic, hmm... I don't know what we could use for that. Either melting down stuff we have or seeing if we can order from PLC, I think thats the two choices. But maybe I'm just not that awake and need some Wakey-Wakey or something, of which I don't have."

Expend is still covered in the soothing, cool towel. "Yes Sir." He walks towards the exit to the R&D Lab... but then smacks against a bulkhead because he happened to be still wearing the towel over his head. THUNK. Owwwww... He takes off the towel and drapes it over his neck before heading out properly, looking almost Ruby RED.
(15-08)































**************************************
CORRIDOR
(12-08)
Midnight
Service Group: Internal Security

Umm, you sure you're not a Sewer Zombie? This isn't some kind of trick? I pull you out of the hole and then you eat my brains?

Wait you're looking for Tony?


'Fat Tony' Consigliere wrote:

Urrgh! Tony have tummyache size of KNS Sector! Tony smash!


*Turns around very slowly*

Umm... I think he just found you! Good luck Sewer Zombie!

*Jumping over the spleen hole he makes a run for it down the other end of the corridor*
_________________
NekoAbyss
Service Group: R&D

Nooooooooooooooo!

Why'd you leave me?!? I need to get outta this hole!

Tony nears!

Tony! If you get me outta this hole without hurting me, I'll help ya however I can!
_________________
Lord Matthius
Service Group: R&D

*runs in*

Ack, this isn't good...the fumes from all those different Hot Funs mixed together...it could cause SMS...spontanious mutation syndrome...this is very bad, and there's no ventilation here!

*runs around screaming*
_________________
NekoAbyss
Service Group: R&D

Matthius! Someone! Help meeeee!

Another edge of the spleen hole falls into the abyss!

Bah, bloody unhelpful clones.

Neko suddenly shoves his chest forward, flipping him around, and grasps onto the edge of the whole. Instead of being supported by two arms and two legs, now he is holding on for dear life by just his hands. He flails around, trying to get his legs up and over the edge, but! An ember falls out of his coat, into the hole, igniting some gas leak or something there! A fireball erupts, shoving Neko up and out of the hole, and setting him on fire AGAIN, but saving him from falling doom.
_________________
Anthony-R-NYJ-3
Service Group: PLC

(Groaning, the Tony wanders off in the direction of Power Services.)
_________________
NekoAbyss
Service Group: R&D

Urgh... my head doesn't feel too good... and neither does the rest of my body.

Neko sits up, and suddenly notices that Tony isn't there.

Vatcrap! He must have left! Wait, I hear his footsteps... that way!

Neko runs after Tony, yelling, "For science!!!"
_________________
Zat-NIK
Service Group: R&D

Zat-R runs out into the corridor, somewhat out of breath.

where'd he go? I hope he doesnt get hurt by... what ever it is that is chasing him! Oh no... I hope he doesnt get hurt! Oh no... what if he gets hurt? It'd be my fault! I'de better find him...

She runs through the corridors for a time looking for the VIOLET, then stops rather suddenly seeing a burning pit infront of her feet. She looks around and realises that she is completly lost in the unfamiliar sector PLN.

Oh, Vats...

She backs off from the hole and sits down against the wall, takes out her PDC and starts to type.
_________________
(13-08)
NekoAbyss
Service Group: R&D

Neko runs aflame into the corridor from Power Services, narrowly avoiding irradiation, when something in his pocket starts beeping.

Huh? Whats that, B-R-AIN? Oh no! Fellow R4T TestBot Timm-Y fell into the well? No? What is it then? *gasp!* They are under attack in R&D?!? Of course I'll help!

Neko runs down the corridor, sprinting past the larger spleen hole, and towards R&D...
_________________
Zat-NIK
Service Group: R&D

Zat-R looks up as Neko runs past.

wow this sector is exiting... i wonder if its always like this here... I wonder what he's running from... Maybe it's the ... things...
that that VIOLET was running from...

she hears his mutter about R&D

R&D under attack, R4Tbots?

She types a quick message on her pdc, then runs in the opposite direction to Neko. Looking aound the corner she sees an odd glow, and all her extremities tingle slightly.

odd.

She moves cautiously forward.
_________________
(16-08)
Bill ?Bill-O-BOY-2

* walks along the corridor, coming from R&D*

*he suddenly stops for a moment and stumbles a little, as if momentarily dizzy*

*his expression changes once again into *

* does not look happy, or rather, even less happy than normal*

*he starts walking again, though in a different direction.*

*as he walks, he mumbles to himself*

: Stupid, vatslimed wussy-clone. Can't believe I'm trapped in this body with such a loser. And WHAT am I doing still in a RED jumpsuit?! So what if PLC is out of stock! I'm sure there's got to be something available on the IR Market, why doesn't he go there? Oh yeah, he's too goody-goody to do something like that! Bah, guess I'll just have to go myself!
_________________
Bill
Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 11:36 pm Post subject:

* wanders down the corridor, not apparently going anywhere in particular*

*Passes by DRK-ALLY*

: Say, isn't that the nice clone that helped me get started in my combat training? I think it is! I think I'll go say 'Hi!'

*heads into DRK-ALLY*

Bill drags a evilcommie-shaped hunk of hardened plastic down the corridor, toward R&D, leaving a scuff-mark trail*
_________________
(19-08)
Evilcommie drops down from the low roof with practised ease, landing silently. he kneels down near the scuff mark, as if looking for somethinng. He then gets up and follows Bill quietly.


Sewer Zombies
(20-08) Corridor, P 12 - 13.1 / Ruilned construction site P1.3 - 1.7/PLN sewer system P1 - 3.11)

Midnight leads 2DMan down the corridor. He stops near the 'spleen hole.'

"Be careful not to fall in that hole there. Not too long ago I fought off a horde of Sewer Zombies trying to attack the sector. They were using that hole as their invasion point. We'll wait here for a bit. I need to send a message to... uhh, my superior on this case before I take you in for questioning. Let me know if you see any Sewer Zombies, will you?" He takes out his PDC and begins typing out the message.

"Ah, yes..." Says 2DMan I'll keep an eye out...

2DMan appears to have his eyes closed, and concentrating hard. Midnight begins to convulse as electricity archs along his body. The PDC he's holding begins to make a screeching noise then something inside pops. Smoke begins to curl up from the fried PDC.

"AAAAAHHH... UNNNG..."

Midnight falls to the floor, precariously close to the 'spleen hole'. The PDC falls out of his hand and then...

"OW!"

The electricity subsides. Midnight rubs his leg as if something stung him there. He struggles to sit up then scoots as far away from the hole as he can. With a shaking hand he points to the hole and yells.

"Sewer Zombies! They're trying to attack again!" He takes out his dummy laser and points it towards the hole, "Zap! Got one! Ptow! Got another one! Bang! Zap! Take that you Sewer Zombies! Zap! Zap! You may take our sewage, but you'll never take our freeeeedoooom!"

2DMan snaps out of his meditative state and looks up in surprise at Midnight... then recovers quickly.

"Uhh... Sewer Zombies? Wha- I mean, where? In the hole?" He dives away from the spleen hole, coincidentally to the other side of it from Midnight, "Okay, we've gotta be ready... when they start coming out, we attack! ........ Damn! Midnight, my hands are tied together, I can't fight! Just keep that laser ready, we can get out of this."

"You can't fight! Hold on!" Midnight crawls around the hole to 2DMan. He grabs him by the shoulders. "I've beaten the first wave of Sewer Zombies back! Do you know what this means? Right! We have to take the fight to them!" While still holding 2Dman, Midnight falls over and into the 'spleen hole'. After a moment, a splash is heard.

Grov-O passes through on his way to Power Services. As he passes by the spleen hole, a voice catches his attention. While he can't make out what it is saying, he thinks he catches two words.

What was that? Shoe-er com bits? Newer comm... Oh, Computer! Newer Commies! The Communists are recruiting down that hole! I have to report this! I hope there's still some AF guys at Power Services!

He hurries on towards Power Services.

***
Two figures fall through a hole in the ceiling. (Splash) One of them stands up in the sludge of the PLN Sewer systems. A flickering light causes shadows to play across the walls.

"2DMan? Are you here? The Sewer Zombies didn't get you, did they?"

"Pfeh, horrible sewer water..." 2DMan stands up warily, keeping an eye on Midnight. "Ahh, yeah, I'm alright... no immediate sign of sewer zombies..."

Midnight wipes the sludge from his eyes.

"Oh, there you are. What was that? Water balloon? No I don't have any. I don't think we can fight Sewer Zombies with water balloons anyway..." He jumps back down into the sewer water. He grabs 2DMan's leg and tries to pull him down, "Do you see the shadows?" He points at the walls, "I think we'll find the Sewer Zombies' lair if we follow those shadows. But we have to make sure they don't see us. Any ideas?"

"Uhh... let me think... what do we know about Sewer Zombies? Can they see in the dark? Must... keep... a straight face..."

"Of course they can see in the dark! Don't you remember the stories when you were a junior citizen? What!?" He looks fearfully at the shadows, "Did you say this is their eighth base!? There's more of them than I thought!"

"Uhh.. yeah! There must be loads of them! Umm... okay, if they can see in the dark, we should move fast. No point in hiding if they can see us anyway, right? Have you got anything I can use as a weapon, seeing as you have that laser pistol?"

"A weapon? I could give you a weapon... And I should except..." He looks to the left then to the right, then speaks in a low confidential voice, "You wouldn't be able to hold one. Your hands are tied..." Midnight's' eyes grow even more wider than before. "Did you say 'near me'!? A Sewer Zombie is near you!? We need to get out of here!" The confused clone tries to grab 2DMan by the arm so they can run down the sewer tunnel. 2DMan doesn't resist Midnight's grab, and he stumbles down the corridor with Midnight.

"But... what if we...splurgh... damn sewer water, what if we find a Sewer Zombie? What am I supposed to do then? Come on, you know you want to untie me..."
(21-08)
"Dead, dead, dead? No, citizen! I won't let that happen. We are not going to die down here if I have anything to say about it! You must be delirious from fear. If I untie you and give you a weapon you'll feel better." He unties him, "Now I need you to get a hold of yourself. I've got my laser and I've got something for you too. It's a super secret R&D prototype zombie slayer thingamajig." He hands 2DMan the 'secret R&D prototype zombie slayer thingamajig.' "If you see any Sewer Zombies be sure to aim for their eyes. That's what those crazy scientists told me. That way the zombies can't see in the dark anymore. But when I asked if the zombies would still be able to smell me they said that information was above my security clearance. So, umm you get their eyes and I'll blast off their noses... Yeah, that should work... We'd better keep moving before they find us again." He continues down the tunnel.

"Uhh... thanks! Right, ok, that sounds like a good plan...So at least I'll know if we find any fires..." 2DMan follows Midnight, occasionally pointing the "zombie-slayer-thingamijig" half-heartedly at the shadows.

"Bloody liars? No, Sewer Zombies don't lie. They can't really say anything except braaaains. They sometimes growl too. I suppose if the growls are really their language they could lie... Hey look!" Midnight points to an access way up ahead and off to the left. It's above the water level. "Technical Services must use that to get down here to service the sewer's technical things. You know like pulling the plugs on the drains and stuff." He gets out of the sewer water and starts down the access way. He turns back to 2DMan, points at the zombie slayer thingamajig and says, "Remember, if any Sewer Zombies attack, aim for their eyes."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll aim for their eyes..." 2DMan clambers up on to the access way with Midnight, then pointedly looks back the way they came. "Oh no! I think I can see a" he coughs, "Sewer Zombie!" He points the zombie-slaying-thingamajig back that way. "Run! I'll try and hold them off! Come on... let this work..."

"What!? You see one!? You're a brave clone to take them on all by yourself!" He gets ready to run down the access way until he 'hears'... " Get pitchfork?" He places his dummy laser in his belt and raises his pitchfork towards where 2DMan said the zombie was. "Avast! You zombies will never get our brains! He then whispers to 2DMan. "Where is it? I don't see it. You don't think it's an Invisible Sewer Zombie, do you?"

2DMan whispers back to Midnight. "It's further back... hiding in the shadows. It backed away a little when I pointed your *snigger* Zombie-slayer-thingamjig at it..." He begins scratching at the back of his neck with his free arm, while keeping the zombie-slayer-thingamjig pointed towards the 'zombie'. "Why am I so itchy?"
(22-08)
"Twitchy? The zombie was twitchy? Good, good. That's one of the effects of the Zombie-slayer-thingamjig. It backed away? Good, it's good that they fear it." Midnight begins to scratch at his left forearm. "It looks like we spent too much time in the sewage. I'm starting to get a rash. I think we should go down this access way before that zombie comes back with reinforcements." He begins to walk along the access way.

*****
Xai skids to a halt beside the spleen hole, considering the vaious possibilities, then catches a snippet of conversation, very quiet below. He thinks to himself, Haha, 2D you old dog! You only went and pushed him down there by the looks of it. Poor Midnight, he means well. I wonder who he's talking to down there... Unless... 2D got pulled down with him? Mmm... Then why would 2D still be alive, Midnight would have killed him by now. That is, unless 2D won the struggle. Ooo, so many possibilities. But, of course, perhaps I shouldn't interefere until CONTROL says what the course of action should be regarding the matter... Hmm. I think I'll wwait here for now. Xai tries his best to look he's busy, investigating the scene above the hole.

Doublethink-O-FBI-1 rounds the corner of the hallway at a fast pace, only to find Xai and the hole a bare five meters away from him. He tries to skid to a halt, but slips because of his wet boots. He slides on his back towards the hole, and is unable to stop himself from sliding into it. In desperation, he thrusts out his legs, bracing his feet against the opposite side of the hole, and manages to keep himself from falling all the way in. But now hes is perched perilously over the hole, with his arms at uncomfortable angles. He slowly, carefully turns over and climbs out.

"Well," Doublethink says to Xai, "I heard some splashes coming from somewhere off in the distance down there. I think they are indeed down there. Probably lost too. And what's this I hear about zombies? I'm not even armed." He scratches his chin. "Well, first things first; I'll send a status report to Biggles. Maybe he can help me." Doublethink pulls out his PDC and begins typing furiously.

Grov-O-LER-2 skids to a stop by Xai.

"I've got orders back from Allandaros, and i've sent messages to Jackal and Pax. I'm Grov-R...well, Grov-O, now. Who are you two?" He looks around, impatiently waiting for his backup.

Xai nods to Doublething, and ubder his breath, whispers to him; "I got the message from you know who, I know why you're here," then turns to Grov. "Grov, your enthusiasm is noted, but I think myself and Doublethink here should be able to handle this for now."

"I just got a reply from Biggles. He says we need a duck. He also said something about beef bullon and mutual funds. Then he sent me another message saying that the ducks are our enemies and must be killed. Any idea what a duck is? I'm not even armed." Asks Intsec constable Doublethink-O-FBI-1 while Armed Forces Private Grov-O-LER checks his PDC, then looks at Xai.

"You're Xai then. Can i have that comb now?" He sends a few PDC messages.

"There must be a lot of grime down there in the sewers. If we do decide to go down there, you'll probably want the head back on your broom so you can help maintain our hygiene, Dourden. Oh, and do you know what a duck is? Biggles says we need a duck. Or duck repellent. Or possibly both. Is a duck some kind of bug I haven't heard of?" Asks Double.

*****
2DMan follows Midnight carefully, now scratching his back frantically. "Dammit, at this rate I'll scratch all my skin clean off..."

"Skin pilaf? Eww. How can you think of food while in the sewers?" They continue along the dimmly lit access way scratching at various itches.

"Hey look! A ladder! I wonder where it leads to. I'll climb up and check. Stay on the look out for Sewer Zombies."

Midnight climbs the rust covered ladder. The top is blocked by a manhole cover. With much effort and many pauses to scratch at his rashes, he finally manages to move the cover enough to squeeze his head through.

VROOOOM!
ZOOOOM!

Midnight has just stuck his head out of a hole in the middle of an autocar expressway. An ORANGE autocar is barreling towards him.

Oh vatcrap!

"Hey, Midnight, what's up there? Midnight?" scratchscratchscratchscratchscratch "Ah well, I'm sure he'll be fine... damn it..."
(23-08)
Upon hearing 2DMan's voice, Midnight snaps out of his shock and ducks down just before the autocar speeds over the manhole.

"Scram... what? Are you having trouble getting some of the sewage off your jumpsuit, 2DMan?" Midnight climbs down the ladder scratching at his left forearm again, "I don't think we'll be able to get out that way unless you want to wake up in the clone tanks. Let's keep going. I'm sure we'll find someway out of here... maybe..." He begins to walk down the access way in the same direction they were heading before. 2DMan shrugs and follows Midnight.

"At this rate, waking up in the clone tanks would be a relief..."

They continue to walk down the access way until they come to another ladder. Midnight puts one hand on the ladder as if he was going to climb up but soon lets go and steps aside. "I went up the last one and well it didn't turn out so good, so... uh, maybe you should try this one?" He pulls out his dummy laser, "I'll watch for any zombies..."

2DMan considers the laser carefully, then steps up to the ladder.

"Alright, if you insist..." He clambers up the ladder, occasionally pausing to scratch, and levers the cover aside... he takes a deep breath, and sticks his head out.

ZAP! ZAPZAPZAP! PAZOW BOOOOOOOOOM!

"Aaaaaaaaah!" He staggers and falls backwards off the ladder, landing on his back in the layer of slime. He looks shakily at Midnight.

"No good... we'll have to keep going... What are the odds of it leading up into a Vulture firing range!?"

*****
Back in the corridor, Dourden's PDC beeps.

"its a Class one-A message we need to go to PLC to get orange flurescent vests, Double-O are you coming? Xai, Grov im afraid you will have to stay here this is IntSec buisness" He states, then gestures for Double-O to lead the way, and looks sorrowfully at Xai."I envy you. I'm probably about to loose my next clone, Lets go, Double-O."

"Yes, it's a good thing we just got promoted to orange, or else we wouldn't be able to do that." Doublethink turns to Xai. "We're counting on you two to make sure no zombies come out of this hole while we are away. Good luck!" With that, Double turns to follow Dourden. Xai sighs then pulls out his PDC and starts conspiritorily writing a message. Grov catches the first few letters of the recipient being tpyed on screen... C - O - N - T... Then the PDC is moved out of view. Whether this was intentional or not can not be assatained.
(23-08)
Grov-O runs his fingers through his still-slimey-hair.

"So...ah...er...*ahem* Er, Xai? About these Commies? And that comb..."

Grov holds a hand out.

***
scrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeecch varrroooooooom eeeeeeeeeewhrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeee SCCCCCCRRRRRROOOOOOOOPH-

A fork bot appears in the barely visible distance heralded only by the sound of tortured rubber-lyke.

"Ah Konlii hold the wheel a second I really need to scratch my Vatting Chest, its been itching like crazy." Phial lets go of the wheel and starts scratching. Grov begins to scratch the back of his head, blissfully unaware of the forkbot barreling down the corridor.

"I think once we're done here, I'm gonna get me a big meal of soylent RED. I'm not sure why, but i really like that stuff. It always tastes soo...familiar. You know? It's kinda comforting."

His hand becomes tangled in the hair and tank-slime behind his head, and is stuck. Oh, vatcrap. I really need that comb now!

"I've got this one handled Grov. Go get yourself that Soylent RED and enjoy it." He shouts.

Xai suddenly seems to concentrate... as if he is listening to something intently, after about a minute of this, he nods decidely, as though agreeing with something, then without warning drops down and rolls to his side right down the hole, landing with a splash below.

(24-08)
"Yes Sir! Good luck! I guess that comb can wait..." Dammit!

Grov-O, still trying to free his hand, turns toward the Cafeteria. And freezes. He has just seen Phial's Runaway Forkbot.

'Oh my...'

He takes a step back, and is right on the edge of the hole.

*****

Xai lands in the waste sludge in a crouched position, sending a shower of muck flying in all directions, then looks in the direction he heard 2Dman and Midnight go earlier. Right. Let's get to work. And with that, he turns and starts sprinting off at an inhuman speed in their direction.

***
(24-08)
Midnight helps 2DMan to his feet, then begins walking in the same direction they've been heading. After a bit they come to what appears to be the end of the access way. They find a large rust covered wheel set into the wall. "The door?" Midnight grabs ahold of the wheel and tries to turn it. It moves a little.

SCREEEEEEEE!

He winces at the loud noise caused by the wheel. He also begins to scratch at the growing rash on his arm. 2DMan watches as Midnight turns the wheel, scratching at his arms... the scratching continues as he is pulled out the way, and he watches the wheel roll back down the access way.

"This looks like it might take some time." He goes back to turning the wheel.

SCREEEEEEEE! SCREEEEEEEE Clunk! Kachunk! Clang!

Midnight jumps back as the rusty wheel falls off. He yanks 2DMan out of its path as it begins to roll down the access way.

"I don't think we're going to get out this way..." He watches as the wheel continues to roll away.

"Umm... yeah, you may be right... now what? I mean, I guess we're going to have to head back the way we came. What a waste of time..."

***
CREEEEEEEE Clunk! Kachunk! Clang!

Xai skids to a halt, creating a nice arc of sludge which promptly coats him.

Gaaurghh... Rough... Now what was that noise way off down the sewerway? Sounded like something massive just broke, or exploded, or... Something. I suppose the only way to find out is to keep going...

He starts running again, only to promptly hit a ladder, virtually invisible in the semi-darkness.

"ARGH!"

He falls to the floor with a thud, landing on his back. By the rather large wound on his forehead it seems clear that he hit it rather hard.

"Ow ow ow... Oh jeez..". He hauls himself to his feet using the ladder for support, What if they escaped up this ladder?

He disorientatedly pulls himself up and lifts the lid experimentally, only to be confronted by an autocar literally milliseconds from running over his head. His only option to get out the way quick enough is to simply let go.

"ARRGGH!"

*THUD* *SPLASH*

He once again uses the ladder to pull himself to his feet, and slowly wipes the healthy portion of waste sludge from his face and opens his eyes. The first thing he sees is the ladder which was further down the sewerway hurtling towards him, apparently broken away from the tunnel by some massive force. This hits him square in the chest, knocking the breath from him and levelling him to the ground. Again. After pulling himself up for the third time, the next sight is most definately unwelcome*

"Urgh... What the... HOLY SHI--"

***

"Waist of mine? Oh don't be like that 2DMan-O. Your jumpsuit makes you appear very slimming. OW! This rash is spreading! I have just the thing!"

Midnight takes a bottle out of his pocket. The label reads: Vulturecraft Oil Cure-All Wonder Elixir. He opens it up and takes a swig...

...and spits it back out.

"Ugh! That stuff tastes horrendous. Ew. I haven't tasted something so bad since I was an INFRARED. I don't care if we are in the sewers, I wish I had some nice tasty Cold Fun right about now." He spits a couple of times to get the taste out. "Maybe I'm supposed to rub the elixir on my rash?"

"Er, Midnight... Maybe you shouldn't-"

" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . AAAAHHH! It burns! It burrrnnnnsss! "

"Yeah... Maybe you shouldn't...."

Midnight starts flailing his arm around trying to stop the pain. He then slumps to the floor clutching the elixir bottle.

***
(25-08)

"--T!"

Xai scrambles and practically throws himself against the curved surface of the sewer wall as the wheel lumbers past him, showering him in a curtain of sludge so thick that it weighs him down. He quails from the shock of, well, everything, and slumps slowly down the curved wall into a sitting position.

""W-w-what the HEL was that? Something must have happened with them up ahead... I gotta go find out if 2Dman is still alive..."

He starts pushing himself to his feet when he lets out a noise something like "Eeep" and sits down again... He wipes the sludge from his right foot to reveal that it's completely crushed. The wheel must have rolled right over it. All at once, the pain, like sometimes is the case, rushes over him...

"ARRGGHH!"

...followed by a string of obscenities screamed so loud they could probably be heard all the way down the tunnel. Well, being the persistant annoyance he is, he won't give up his mission.

"Gotta find 2D, gotta help him, gotta find 2D, gotta help him, gotta find..."

He mumbles as he pulls himself down the tunnel on his stomach, hands gripping in the sluge for anything to use to pull himself along. Bit by bit, he's getting there. But very slowly.

Gaaurgh... With any luck I might just be able to hop once this pain subsides a bit, but for now this seems to be the way to go...
***
Midnight turns the bottle over and begins to read the fine print.

Do not ingest. Do not pour over Cold Fun because we just told you not to ingest it, stupid. Do not apply to broken skin. Do not use if you are a human meatbag. This miracle elixir will cure any bot of anything which might ail it.

"What!? That DoctorDocbot swindled me! It told me I'd get as fit as Gomer-B if I used this stuff! That's it! That bucket of bolts is going---"

ARRGGHH!

"Oh vatcrap!" He puts the bottle in his pocket and pulls the dummy laser from his belt. Starts scratching his rash with the dummy laser, "They've found us! Get your zombie-slayer-thingamajig ready!"
(26-08)
Xai-O-SHI-1 continues pulling himself down the sewerway, completely coated in slime apart from his eyes, which he keeps wiping clean. The pain from his foot subsides a little and he stops for a moment.

"I, su-su-suppose I could try walking... Well, limping, at least." He pulls himself up and starts lurching forward. The pain is rather intense, meaning that on every step he is forced to groan a little. The result is a strange slime creature, hobbling towards the pair, groaning on every step. This 'positive' impression probably isn't helped by the sudden shout of "I'm coming to get you..." And subsiquent inaudible, "...So don't worry". Inaudible because a large amount of slime dripped into his mouth at that moment. Talk about bad impressions.

*****

"I don't think this is a very good idea, Phial-O," Shouts Konlii from the back of the forkbot, where he can just barely reach the steering wheel with his fingers. It's enough to keep it from veering off course, but turning is out of the question. The forkbot is coming straight down the middle of the corridor.

Grov takes another step back, into the hole. Falling into the hole with one leg still out of the hole is an awkward business, and Grov finds himself doing the splits sideways. This gets him lodged in the hole, with just one foot and his face (from the eyes up) still visible. On the bright side, his hand has come unstuck. Crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap!

Phial stops scratching and takes the wheel again. With a slick flick of the controls the forkbot squeals loudly as it takes a sharp left heading for The_Ruined_Residential_Zone. Several IR's jump out of the way.

"Thanks for holding the wheel Konlii! The itching feels slightly better but I really wish it would stop!"

A typical squealing stop later, and the forkbot arrives.

"O.K. now where is the stuff you want exactly?" Asks Phial.

"I think you misunderstood me. This is where I want it delivered. The pipes themselves should still be piled up in the Registered Mutant Housing and Placement Office... And would you please stop scratching so much? You're starting to make me itch."

"But you clearly said..." He scatches, "Sorry where was I?" He scratches some more.

"I don't know," scratch, "can we just get moving before I catch whatever disease you have?" Scratch scratch.

Phial sighs and starts off in the direction of that now familiar corridor.

"Well at least I've ah, familiarised myself with the delivery zone. Clearly my plan all along......." He scratches absentmindedly while steering with one knee.

Back in the main corridor a commotion can be heard from one of the side coridors. Several IR clones come running out at high speed. Accompanying the screams is the now familiar sound of tyres squealing. On two wheels the forkbot reenters the corridor from an unexpected point, now heading in the opposite direction.

"Now where is that map?" Phial-O starts looking around the control deck. "Ah here it is." He reaches down for the map, and tries to unfold it one handed, while steering with his knee, and scratching with the other hand. "So do you think we should take a left on Corridor #4 Red, or a left on to the Orange Expressway?"

"Well, #4 RED ought to have more pedestrians... rather, it ought to be more fun... no, what I meant to say was there should be less traffic. Yeah, less traffic."

"Left it is! Hang on!"

The forkbot lurches uncomfortably onto two wheels and squeals in a tight arc around a barely visible corner to the left, scattering a bunch of stray RED citizens who appear to have been distributing leaflets. Phial catches one as it wafts past.

"Sodding FCCCP bumf. End of my tynes is too good for them!"

He discards the pamphlet over shoulder. The corridor narrows and comes to an overpass. It is mercifully lightly travelled at this time because the forkbot only clears the railings by a few centimeters. A particularily unfortunate infrared has to hurdle the railing to escape skewerhood. There is a distant splash. The corridor leads eventually to the turn off to The Registered Mutant Placement and Housing Office . A RED flattens herself against the wall as the foirkbot careens past millimeters away.

"Watch where your walking! Sheeesh some people."

Once the forkbot has left, Grov tries to stay as still as he can.

"Help...?"

He stays this way untill his PDC beeps. He reaches for it carefully with one hand, and reads the message. Unable to type and hold the PDC with his one free hand, he sends a voicemail reply, instead. Unfortunately, this distracts him from his efforts at not falling further.

"'Thankyou, Citizen. If you could transfer the credits to my account, i would appreciate it. I am a bit...stuck...at the momeAAAAAAAAAAAARGH'

Splash.

Grov lands, getting even more unspeakable goop in his hair, which, as he stands unsteadilly, is plastered over his face.

'Eeerk! I'm blind!'

He begins stumbling around, into the wall, a ladder, the wheel(thing), and then the ladder again. Oh, delicious Computer, what a daycycle!

***

2DMan looks aghast at the probable Sewer Zombie.

"What the... they're actually real?! Uhh... Midnight... " He stands stock still for a few moments, then remembers the zombie-slayer-thingamajig, and points it at the probable Sewer Zombie's eyes. "Well, if Midnight was right once..."

Midnight watches as 2DMan prepares the zombie-slayer-thingamajig.

"Fight, dunce? Oh yeah..." He stands up and presses his back to the wall pointing the dummy laser in the direction of the zombie noises.

"I'm coming to get you..."

"Oh nononononono. It speaks! It's got to be the leader! The button! Hurry! Press the button!"

Xai lurches forward then sees 2Dman and Midnight emerge from the gloom ahead of him, then the strange device 2Dman is pointing straight at him.

"Huh?! What in the name of Friend Computer are you pointing at me?"

The voice is familiar, but the slime covered thing bears no resemblance to its usual owner. Midnight points the dummy laser at Xai.

"Back! Back I say! You won't drag us back to your horde to feast on our brains!" He pulls the trigger... but nothing happens. He looks at the dummy laser then shakes it.

"Where's the safety on this thing!?"
(27-08)
Grov hears a shout from further down the sewer, and makes out the word 'safety.' Well, safety sounds better than Commies or zombies. He stumbles blindly toward the noise, making odd little pained noises from time to time as he stubs his toes and bangs his shins on unseen objects.

*Pulls out his own dummy laser and points is at Midnight*

"Midnight, what are you talking about, I'm not gonna drag you off and feast on your brain. Thanks, but that's an awesomely disgusting idea. Now put down the laser, I don't want to hurt you. And 2Dman, point that thing away from me, you're coming back home with me. Now. You must be starving, don't worry, I've got plenty to eat for you back home."

Or, at least, that's what Xai tries to say. Thanks to the copius amounts of gloop dripping from his hair and face into his mouth, something more akin to the following comes out:

"Midnight, whash as yug talkogh ablurgh, I'm nogh gonna drag you off and feast ourn your brain. Thanks, blugh thass urn awsome dishgourghting idea. Nurrgh put down thurgh laser, I dorght want to hurt you. And 2Dman, point thaurght thing away from me, you're coming back home with me. Now. Yurgh muss beh starving, dourght wughry, urve got plurghnty turgh eat fough you back home."

Praisied down, this is what the pair hear when the non sensical words are simply interpreted as grunts and moans:

"Midnight! *Gurgle, splutter* I'm *Gurgle* Gonna drag you off and feast your brain! Thanks *Splutter, moan* Awsome *Groan* Idea. *Grunt* Put down *Splutter* Laser. I *Gurgle* Want to hurt you. And 2Dman. Point *Moan* Thing away from me, you're coming back home with me! NOW! *Gurgle, splutter* Starving *Moan* Got *Splutter* Eat *Gurgle* You back home!

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

Midnight throws his arms in the air and pushes Xai aside as he runs past. He heads down the accessway screaming until he runs into Grov. As he picks himself off the floor he says...

"Sorry, citizen! There are Sewer Zombies dow-"

Finally gets a good look at Grov.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

Xai shakes his head and wipes some slime from his mouth.

"Damn, that clone has some serious mental problems. I did say I wouldn't hurt him. And what are you playing at pointing that thing at me? I'm in enough pain as it is without the posibility of more."

He turns to see Midnight fleeing down the tunnel, the spits.

"Well, looks like I've done my job. CONTROL will be happy. You're free from the hands of IntSec. C'mon, let's get out of here and see if we can find you somewhere to lie low for a while until CONTROL comes up with a plan to get IntSec off your back."

The 'zombie' pulls out his PDC and starts writing a message
(28-08)
2DMan shrugs.

Xai stops writing his message, looks up at 2Dman over his PDC and raises an eyebrow, before continueing to write, muttering something about mental illness. He finishes writing then sends his message. There is a short delay, then he perks up. He stands still, as if listening to something intently, although there is no sound in the air but the occasional squelch of the muck. After standing listening for what must be about a minute, he nods decisively and turns back to 2Dman.

"Alright, I've got orders on where I'm taking you. We've got to find an exit along the sewerway here that comes out in the black market. CONTROL has said you can lie low there for a while whilst we deal with Intsec. Any idea which way down the tunnel would get us in that direction? I'm not so great with directions."

2DMan shrugs again.

"Well, further back the way we were going originally hits a door that we tried to open, but the locking wheel came off. So, basically, we'll have to head back the way we've come and look for a different exit, I guess.... and can you at least try and get some of that muck off yourself?"

"Some of the wh... Oh... OH!" The reason behind Midnight and 2Dman's fright suddenly dawns on him, "I see what's been going on here. You must have thought I was some kind of weird creature or something. Heh..." He wipes himself down so that his body returns to it's usual non-lumpy looking state. He's still completely brown all over mind, but just a thin layer now. "Right, I think I've got a vague idea of where the market is located. C'mon, let's head this way and find out..."

Xai starts limping off back down the walkway.

***
Grov-O stumbles into the wall, after Midnight whizzes past, then straightens up, and tries to pull some sticky hair away from his face.

'Hello? Xai? Somebody? What is going on?'

He keeps stumbling along, one hand out infront of him, the other alternately scratching and de-tangling hair. Midnight finally comes to a stop after running through tunnel after tunnel.

Where the bloody HEL am I? And why does my head hurt so much? He takes out his fried PDC, Alright, I'm obviously in the sewers. But what am I underneath. He tries to find his location with his PDC only to get frustrated since the thing no longer works. Blast it! Looks like I have to do this the hard way. Midnight starts to walk down the sewer tunnel looking for a way out. After sometime he finally finds a ladder. He climbs up and moves a grating out of the way. Midnight comes diving through the grating hole head first. He lands in the sewer sludge and rolls out of the way just in time to avoid some laser bolts blasting through the hole. From above a bot voice can be heard.

"PLEASE PROCEED TO ANTHONY-R'S OFFICE AND REMIT PAYMENT IN FULL"

Midnight runs down the tunnel frantically looking for a different way out of the sewers.

posted by Zatnik | 4:44 AM

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